


Hand and heart

by aries_taurus



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Health, Organ Transplantation, Steve is a marshmallow, Tragedy, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, more angst than fluff, radiation poisoning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 21:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16818718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aries_taurus/pseuds/aries_taurus
Summary: -A sister is one who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.--Unknonwn-A tragedy affects Mary-Anne. Steve decides maybe it's time he let his sister a little deeper into his heart and into his life.





	Hand and heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bgharison](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgharison/gifts).



> The opening lines of this fic are the exact ask Bgharison sent me.  
> I hope you like it, babe.

* * *

Steve fumbles for the phone, takes the call even though it's an unfamiliar number. "McGarrett."

There's a pause on the other end, long enough that he almost ends the call, his thumb hovering over the red button. Then a shaky breath, a muffled sob, and Mary's voice. "Steve?" 

He’s suddenly completely, totally wide awake. “Mare? What’s wrong?”

“I...”

“Mary, where are you? Where are you calling me from?” he asks, tossing the covers back and sitting up on the side of his bed. He glances at the clock on his bedside table. It’s 4:12 A.M.: the middle of the night in L.A., pretty damn close to it in Hawaii too. If she’s calling in the middle of the night, in tears, there’s a problem.

“Mary? Mary you there?” he calls out, when the only thing on the line is uneven breathing.

“It’s gone,” she whispers.

“Gone? What’s gone, Mary, what’s happening?” he asks again, heart hammering in his chest. Every instinct in his body is telling him to go to her, to protect her, that something’s gone horribly wrong but she’s thousands of miles and half an ocean away. There’s nothing he can do but speak on the phone but she’s not answering him... “Please, Mary, tell me what’s wrong!”

“Th.. There was.... a, a... A fire, Steve, there was a fire! The house... Aunt Deb’s house, the house she left us it’s gone! It’s all gone!” she wails and she’s coughing and there’s a clatter on the line and the sounds grow distant, like she dropped the phone.

“Mary! MARY! Hello? HELLO? MARY-ANNE!” He’s on his his feet, shouting into the phone, panic making his throat tight, sending his already wildly beating heart into overdrive.

“Hello?” 

The sudden, unknown voice in his ear almost makes him drop the phone. “Hello? Who’s this? Where’s my sister?”

“This is Captain Rob Malone, LAFD. Your sister’s fine. She's with our paramedics, receiving oxygen at the moment. She inhaled a bit of smoke, but she’s doing all right.”

“What about her daughter? My niece? Joan? Listen Captain, she wasn’t alone in the house, she has a three-year-old daughter! My niece!”

“Relax, sir, we know, we know. Your niece is okay, sir. Joan is fine. Your sister got her out, managed to protect her from the smoke too. She’s all right.”

Steve closes his eyes, lets his head drop back and exhales in weak-kneed relief. “Oh thank god.” Tears sting at his eyes and he presses a hand over them. He abruptly sits back onto the bed, drawing in a shaky breath. His family’s okay. 

“Good, okay, thank you, Captain. I... Can I speak to my sister again?”

“Yeah, sure, let me put her back on the phone.”

“Steve...”

“Mary... I’m so gald you and Joanie are okay.”

“Everything’s gone, Steve...” Mary says, sniffling.

“I know, but you two are okay. That’s what counts.”

“I don’t even know where we’re gonna sleep, tonight! I don’t even have my purse, my phone... I don’t even have clothes for Joan!”

Steve grabs his tablet from the nightstand and opens the browser, looking up the flights out of Honolulu to LA. “Look, I’ll be on the next flight out. I’ll be in LA in about... seven hours. I’ll book a room for the three of us at the... what was that hotel near the house?”

“The Holiday Inn. On, on Orion?”

“Yeah. I’ll pay with my credit card, call the front desk, explain about the fire, they’ll let you in the room. You can wait for me there.

“Steve, I don’t have cash for a cab...Oh, ok, the guys from the emergency crew tell me they’ll have someone from the Red Cross with the essentials for Joan, and they’ll drop me at the hotel.”

“Once I’m there, we’ll figure the rest out, the insurance and all that, get you on your feet, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’ll be ok, Mare,” he says gently, while he finishes booking his plane ticket.

“Thanks for coming to the rescue, big brother.”

“Any time. Now, I gotta pack. My fight leaves in 95 minutes and I gotta get Eddie taken care of and call Danny. Leave a message on my cell with the room number so I can call you when I land, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

“Mary, I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”

“Okay, yeah.”

“Can you put Captain Malone back on the phone for a minute please?”

“Yeah. Bye. And... Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

“Sir? This is Captain Malone.”

“Captain. I’m Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett. I’m with the Five-0 Task Force in Hawaii. I’’ll be on the next flight out to LA. In the meantime I’m making a reservation for my sister and her daughter at the Holiday inn on Orion. Is there any way you can make sure she gets there?”

“Yeah. Is there anyone in the area I can contact for her in the mean time?”

“Yeah, not in the immediate area, but if you could contact Chin Ho Kelly, from the State task force in San Fransisco, I’ll tell him what happened, so if you could coordinate with him to make sure Mary’s taken care of... He can be there before I can.”

“Sure thing. Text the number to this phone. I’ll reach out.”

“Thank you, sir. And thank you for making sure my sister and her daughter were safe and able to reach me.”

“Part of the job, Commander.”

He calls Danny next and once Danny’s done grumbling about the hour and Steve has a chance to explain why he’s calling, Danny’s all business. He’ll take care of Eddie, inform the Governor, whatever. It takes a weight off Steve’s mind.

The next twenty minutes pass in a blur of packing and online hotel reservations, phone calls to Chin, the hotel, to his buddy in stationed in Miramar who owns some rental property somewhere in Cali (he can’t recall if it’s in San Diego or LA) and he’s ready to go.

He’s just about to punch in his alarm code when a car pulls into his driveway. He frowns, wondering who the hell is showing up at his house at ten to five AM. He’s quick to recognize the Camaro’s throaty rumble and Danny's steps on the front porch.

“Ready, babe?” Danny calls out as he walks in the door

“Danny, what... what are you doing here?” Steve asks, a bit lost.

“What do you mean what? Who the hell did you expect to take you to the airport? I said I was coming. Here I am.”

“You said...” Steve trails off, clearly having missed something somewhere.

“Yeah, I said. I guess it didn’t register. You thought I’d let you leave your truck in long term parking or pay for a cab? Clearly you think I’m a shmuck. I am not a shmuck. You? You’re a putz. Besides, I got a bag of stuff for Joanie in the trunk. Toys and plushies and clothes Charlie’s outgrown. Don’t worry it’s all gender neutral for the clothes and girls can play with trucks too.”

“I... Thank you, Danny. I don’t know what to say.”

“You already said it, babe. We help family when they’re in need and you’re family. You know that so stop acting like a dope. Now come on, you gonna miss your flight. Your sister’s waiting.”

* * *

He’s halfway unsurprised to see Chin waiting for him at the gate, his gold California State Task Force shining on his belt. Steve's unbelievably glad to see him, knew that he’d take care of Mary while he flew in from Hawaii, with San Francisco being only about an hour’s flight from LA.

“Chin, my man,” he says, grabbing his friend in a crushing hug.

“McGarrett. It’s been way too long,” Chin says against his shoulder, his wide grin evident from his tone alone.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Ohana, Steve, you know that,” Chin says, when they pull apart. “I got one word for you brah: Mexico. So this? Don’t even mention it. Abby’s with Mary and Joan.”

Okay, so maybe Chin's got a point there, but when he called, it wasn’t about asking a favour in return for what he and the rest of the team did when Sarah was kidnapped. Not that he’s not grateful that Chin not only answered the phone in the middle of the night but managed to commandeer a plane or a helicopter or whatever and get to Mary in under two hours. And speaking of Sarah... “Abby came? What about Sarah?” Steve asks.

Chin’s smile doesn’t fade. “With Abby’s mother. She charmed her grandmother as fast as she did me.”

Steve laughs and he can’t help but smile widely. “She’s a charmer.”

“That she is. Abby’s with Mary and Joan at the hotel. We’ll join them for breakfast as soon as we get out of here.

“Then let’s get going.”

* * *

The rest of the day flies by but the memory of Mary crashing into him, crumbling into his arms, warm and _safe_ , Joanie, small and secure between them will stay etched in his memory forever. His sister and niece, his _family_ , safe and close, is something he decides he _wants, needs_ even. He doesn’t want to let them go.

Not anymore.

There are calls to the insurance company, shopping trips for clothes and other necessities and when the day ends, they’re sitting side by side on a hotel bed, watching Joanie sleep the peaceful, deep sleep of the innocent.

“She’s so... It’s like nothing’s happened. I mean, people say kids are resilient but...” Mary says, her head against his shoulder.

“They are. I mean, look at us. We turned out okay, in the end,” Steve says, watching his niece sleep, the old, stuffed monkey he found in the bag of toys Danny sent clutched in her arms, snuggled close to her face. He suspects it once belonged to Grace.

Mary lifts her head and gives him an incredulous look, her eyebrows reaching her bangs. “Seriously? You’re being serious right now?”

“Okay, maybe it took a while, but look at us now. We’re good, no?”

“Oh, you mean me, single neurotic mom and you, single cop nutjob? We’re good?”

“You’ve been spending too much time talking with Danny Williams, is what.”

“Yeah, maybe but he’s got you pegged, he really does.”

“Does he, now.”

“Yeah. You really are a big mushy marshmallow inside. You’re mellowing in your old age.”

“Yeah, maybe I am getting... old,” Steve says quietly. These days, he feels pretty old. It’s not for nothing he’s been letting the kids out more with Danny, letting him take the lead, staying behind to run things from HQ while they chase the bad guys around the islands.

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that, bro. C’mon. Don’t get all gloomy. You’re not that old.”

He draws in a deep breath and heaves out a sigh. Now’s as good a time as any to bring up what’s been on his mind since he’s laid eyes on his sister and his niece this morning.

“Well, I’m not getting any younger, that’s for sure. So, once the insurance investigator’s done with the investigation, it’s gonna be, what, two to three months before you have a place to live?”

“Yeah, about. You were there when we spoke to him. In the meantime, they’ll pay for a hotel for the next couple weeks and then an apartment I can rent till the house gets rebuilt so long as the fire wasn’t caused by negligence, which it wasn’t. You know all this, like I said, you were there. Why are you bringing this up if you already know?”

He draws in a deep breath and sets his elbows on his knees, turning his head to look at her. “Mary, I want you to come live in Hawaii, with me. Share the house. Use the insurance money to, I dunno, start a trust fund for Joan, instead of rebuilding the house here. Dad’s house is half yours, so why don’t you come and life there?”

Mary just blinks at him for a few seconds.

“This a joke?” she asks, with a faint chuckle. “You’re joking, right?”

“I’m serious, Mare. Move back home. With me.”

“Steve. I have a job here. I need that job to feed my daughter. I can’t move back to Hawaii.”

“Yes you can. I... Look... have a job for you, with Five-0. We're growing. We have an admin position available, almost like the job you have here. I’d like you to take it. It’s... It’s not a hand out, Mare. It isn’t. I need someone I can trust and I’d love to have you close and... Joanie could go to the same school as Charlie... ” he says, heart hammering in his chest, suddenly nervous, afraid he won’t be able to convince her. 

“That’s a private school Steve, I can’t afford that!”

“With the insurance payout, you could, instead of using it to rebuild the house. And I can... I want to help pay for it. I... I want to help you raise her, Mary,” he says in a rush. He’s afraid she’ll say no, because deep down, now that he’s let himself want this, he knows it’ll break his heart not to have his family with him. He’s let himself imagine this, just for one single day and it’s insane how much he wants it. He wants to be Uncle Steve full-time. He wants to be more than a video chat uncle. He wants to teach Joanie to swim. He wants to babysit on weekends when his sister has a date. He wants to have Charlie over for playdates with Joan, watch them play with Eddie on the beach behind the house.

He wants the house full of noise when he wakes up in the morning.

“Look... Mare, you two are the only family I have. I have the money and it’s not like I can't afford it, and since I won’t ever have any children of my own...” There. He’s said it. He’d let the cat out of the bag. 

“What? What are you talking about? Wait a minute! Are you sick? Is this, is this the radiation poisoning? You’re sick, aren’t you! That’s why you want me to come to Oahu with you!”

“Shhh! You’ll wake Joan!” he snaps, putting a finger to his lips. “And no, no! No, I’m not sick!” Not yet, he doesn’t say. Steve blows out a long breath, shaking his head. “Look... I’m not sick I promise you, all right? The only thing the radiation poisoning has to do with this is... I’m, God, this is embarrassing. I’m sterile, okay? I’m shooting blanks,” he growls, feeling his cheeks flame. “I won’t ever be able to have kids of my own. That’s all.”

“Oh. Oh my God, that’s why you broke up with Lynn!” Mary hisses, her eyes going wide.

Steve exhales and nods, dropping his gaze to the floor. “She wants kids and... I can’t give her any. So... It became a point of contention. We couldn’t figure out our way past it. We broke up.”

“Hello! Steve! Adoption! I did it!” Mary says, pointing a finger back and forth between herself and her daughter.

“Wasn’t that simple an answer for us, Mary. Adopting when you’re over 40 and when you have a dangerous job like mine and with the prospect of declining health, plus it takes a while to get a child in Hawaii. Not so easy. It takes less time if you’re willing to adopt an older child but... Lynn is a child psychologist. She knows a lot about the trauma adopted kids can come with, if they’re a little older and... she didn’t want that. Didn’t want to... y’know... take the job home. But I want kids too... So we started fighting about it and... We broke it off.”

Mary shakes her head and sighs, draping an arm over his shoulders. “Why didn’t you _say_ something? Huh? Why did it take my _house burning down_ for you to ask me to come live with you? Or just maybe just move back to Hawaii? Wo Fat’s been dead, what, three, four years? It’s been safe for me to come back for a while now.”

“You really gotta ask that?”

Mary growls out a frustrated sigh. “You didn’t _want_ to ask. Because you’re a stupid McGarrett man who keeps everything inside. Like dad did.” She heaves a dramatic sigh. “God. Men.”

“Yeah, there’s that. But... You think it’s easy to talk about this? You think I wanna talk about never having kids? About... maybe getting sick and... dying before Joanie graduates? I just... I want you close, Mary. Okay? Please?” he says, and yeah, maybe he’s getting a little choked up. “Besides, I didn’t want to ask you to sell Aunt Deb’s house. Now...”

“It’s just a house, Steve. You said so, remember? You said the only thing that matters is that we’re okay, me and Joan. Oh’ana.”

Steve nods. He get out from under her arm and gathers her close, hugging her tightly to his chest. She huddles against his side, like they did, that Thanksgiving a few years ago, when they found out Deb was sick, but this time, he’s the one with tears running down his face. Giving voice to his fears is... a whole new kind of terrifying.

Admitting he wants Mary and Joan close because he needs to see them live their lives, watch Joanie grow up _while he can_ is... He doesn’t even have a word for the emotion it triggers inside him. But he wants them _there_. Close. 

“What happens when I get a boyfriend?” Mary says after a few minutes of silence.

“You put a sock on the doorknob and I go hang out at Danny’s for the night,” Steve says, his tone perfectly deadpan, despite the edge of emotion still discernable in it.

Mary bursts out laughing, slapping his chest with the back of her hand “Geez you’re such a moron! I’m serious!”

Steve inhales and thinks. “I could... We could put an addition on the house. Turn the garage into a guesthouse, for me. You and Joanie can have the big house. And I could build a new garage where the shed is, and put a small shed--”

“Under those big trees where the hedge ends, by Mrs. Kekoa’s house!”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll move back home with you. God. I’m thirty-eight and I’m moving back home to live with my bachelor _brother._ This is gonna ruin my social life, you know that?”

“Nah. What’s gonna ruin your social life is the number of _guns_ your bachelor brother owns,” Steve says seriously.

“Oh my God, you _actually_ would wait up for me with a shotgun wouldn’t you!”

“I don’t keep the shotgun at home. I have a sweet grenade launcher though,” he replies, only half joking.

Mary bursts out laughing, clapping a hand over her mouth for fear of waking her daughter. “Seriously though, Joan can’t get to all that stuff, right?” she asks.

“No. It’s in a safe in the cubby under the stairs. It’s a fingerprint lock. I’ll add another lock to the cubby itself, just to be sure.”

“Okay.”

They stay huddled together hanging on to each other in silence. Steve doesn’t want to let go, and despite knowing Mary’s the one going through a tragedy, he’s the one with the lump in his throat and tears burning in his eyes. He hasn’t felt this close to crying in... decades.

Oh, he’s shed tears over the years. He let a couple sobs escape when he killed Wo Fat, but he was drugged out of his mind that day, so confused he had trouble remembering what year it was. Now, though, he knows. He knows exactly what year it is, how old he is, how long it’s been since the liver transplant, how long it might be till he needs a kidney transplant because most liver transplant recipients do, eventually, need a kidney because the anti-rejection meds protect the graft but destroy their kidneys, how long he has till the complications from the radiation poisoning become a reality and he gets thyroid cancer or leukemia or lymphoma. 

He’ll be sick before he’s fifty.

He’ll likely be dead before he’s sixty.

He closes his eyes and swallows around the lump in his throat, tightening his arms around his sister. She leans against him, resting her head against his chest so he let his own head drop forward till his forehead is pressed into her hair. The position is uncomfortable, his neck stretched too far forward, the muscles pulling. He doesn’t care.

He feels the first big, fat tears overflow from his eyes and drip into Mary’s hair at the same time his frame is shaken by a hiccupping, choked sob.

Mary wriggles out of his arm and looks up at him, lifting his chin up with a soft, gentle hand. At least, that’s what he imagines, because he keeps his own eyes tightly shut, as unstoppable tears keep flowing down his face.

“Oh, Stevie,” she says quietly before engulfing him in a tight, tight hug. “Don’t... Don’t cry. You’re gonna make _me_ cry.”

She must have moved, knelt on the bed by his side because his head is on her shoulder and it’s impossible if she’s sitting by his side and it’s ridiculous that’s he’s thinking about this when he’s crying.

“Shhh, it’s okay, Stevie. We’ll be all right. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I’m scared, Mary,” he whispers against her neck. “I’m... I’m really scared. I d... I don’t... I don’t want to be dead in ten years. I want... to grow old. I want kids... of my own, I want... I want a _life_ , Mare... I don’t...”

“I know. I know. Shh... It’s okay. It’s okay to be scared.”

He wants to stop, because this isn’t him, but he just... Can’t. The only thing he can do, for a little while, is let himself cry. Maybe it’s relief, he thinks. Mary said yes. He won’t have to face that big, quiet house anymore, ever again. He won’t be alone. He’ll have Mary-Anne and Joanie with him. He feels a bit guilty though, about losing it. How did he, the tough-ass Navy SEAL, end up bawling in his sister’s arms, when she’s the one who just lost everything? 

“M’ sorry. You... I’m the one who should be... Comforting you, not... Not the other way around.”

“Heh, since when do we ever do things the right way, huh? It’s a family tradition, right?”

It startles a watery laugh out of him. “Right... M’ sorry.”

“Oh, stop apologizing or I’ll kick your ass.”

It startles a chuckle out of him. “You could try.”

“Steve. I’m here, okay? I’m coming home. We’re coming home with you. We’ll be okay. All of us. Okay?”

Steve nods, separating himself physically from his sister and wiping a few stray tears from his face. “Yeah. We’ll be okay.”

“So, you wanna call Danny, tell him the good news?”

Steve smiles, hugely. “Yeah.” He extricates his phone from his pocket, unlocks the screen and tosses it to his sister. “Call him. Tell him the good news.”

“You don’t want to tell your BFF I’m moving back home?”

He gives Mary a tired smile, watery. “I think I need a minute. I’m getting emotional in my old age.”

Marry gives him a serious look. “This means a lot to you, huh?”

Steve swallows back a rush of emotion past the still-present lump in his throat. “Yeah. I, uh... I’ve... never really lived alone and, despite being single for most of my adult life, I don’t like being alone. And family is really important to me. We spent so many years apart, Mare... I don’t want to waste any more time. If you find someone, then great. We’ll do the addition. If I do, then we’ll do a bigger one, or expand the second floor, or...”

“Okay, okay. I get it. Ohana, like the kama’aina do it, the whole extended family thing.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not so sure about you being my boss though.”

“I’m a good boss, ask anyone on the team!”

“Yeah, benevolent dictator much?”

“That was a joke!”

“Not from the way Danny tells it.”

“Danny Williams is not a reliable source where my leadership skills are concerned.”

“Well, remember I have baby pictures of you, so.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Don’t be dictator and you won’t have to find out.”

“Seriously, Mary, you can’t do that.”

“I won’t, unless I have to.”

“Mary. Seriously.”

“I’m serious.”

“You... But.. Mary! I’m your boss!”

“Technically, you’re my brother _first_. And there’s no rules about sisters embarrassing their brothers, so, I’m sending that picture of you with Santa to Danny.”

He knows exactly what picture she’s talking about. It’s the one with mom and dad where he’s nine months old, wearing nothing but a diaper and a Santa hat. The one she sent him a week ago, that he still has on his phone. The phone he gave to Mary a couple minutes ago.

“Mary, don’t”

“But you look so cute in that picture!”

“MARY!”

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't the fic I set out to write, initially. But, as usual, the muse does what it does.  
> Reviews and kudos are love.


End file.
